We Suffer when we are Inauthentic People, Living Inauthentic Lives.

Inauthenticity, just like every other issue we want to resolve has fear at its core but that fear can easily and quickly be overcome when we begin from a place of love and compassion.

Bottom line, we were instructed to become inauthentic from as far back as when we were toddlers, the fact that the step-by-step, easy to navigate instructions were given to us inadvertently and our primary caregivers were well meaning doesn’t alter the fact that we were taught to wear masks.

The inevitable outcome of the conditions of worth that we are raised with i.e. ‘I will love you if you are never angry and grade A student’ and the values we adopt as our own to fit in and remain emotionally safe was only ever going to be our inability to be ourselves.

We learned a very long time ago that real, unique and individual self gets us…

  • Shouted at
  • Humiliated
  • Punished
  • Shamed

That hurts a lot.

It hurts as much as it does because children need the love and approval of their parents to survive, literally!

..but when the signal ‘ That you that’s authentically you is not acceptable’ we begin to hate ourselves and develop the idea that if we act, behave, say, do think, feel and believe as somebody else wants us to then we are acceptable, lovable and worthy.

So how do we begin to drop the masks and live freely?

The answer is simple; we learn about what the payoff is.

Us humans don’t do anything without a payoff, we are not created that way, even altruism produces a payoff; you got to feel good about yourself for doing a kind deed without expecting anything in return.

…or you sleep better at night knowing you gave to that charity, or that homeless person.

So, what are the payoffs for us when we drop the masks?

  • Not everyone will love you but the right people will – this ends unhealthy relationships, unhealthy relationship dynamics, dealing with the elephant in the room within friendships and squirming around in your swivel chair at work – believe me when I say you have enough wisdom, strength and courage within the real you not to give a flying f*** what your colleagues think. Remember your suffering wasn’t an accident, a coincidence or a cosmic cock-up, it happened so you can learn of love and go on to change the world so who’s going to remember your colleagues, desk and swivel chair a year from now?
  • Success and unlimited abundance. Often, we put of making the changes to the way we earn a living by telling ourselves stories about our mountains of unsurmountable issues, how scared we are and how afraid we are of failing and what other people think. Twenty years of doing my job has taught me that sometimes these issues don’t exist, and when they do, they are easily overcome with an emotional and soulful education – the real issue is exhaustion. The kind of soulful exhaustion that no amount of sleep will assuage that arises from wearing five masks before lunchtime – dropping the masks produces unlimited amounts of exuberant, joyous energy, passion and enthusiasm!
  • An authentic life. We were not created to live in a prison of fear, anxiety and self-doubt, but far more importantly it’s not in the true nature of any of us to live within the stifling confines of time, schedules, routine and rules.

Yesterday I saw a post on Facebook about a self-sufficient lady who lived in a treehouse, in a beautiful forest close to a beach.

The post had one million, seven hundred thousand and eleven comments, I’ll repeat that;


Naturally, when I saw this eye-watering number I had to have a good scroll, I had to read some of these comments…

99% of them said the same thing or a variant…

“I so wish I was her”

We sit on packed trains to sit in windowless offices to spend the day having to be nice to nitwits because we want to remain emotionally safe and free from hurt so we stymy, hide, deny, disguise and distort every thought, feeling and belief that makes us real, we contort ourselves emotionally and soulfully, we literally bend ourselves out of shape to fit into a world we don’t want, don’t need, don’t belong in and that runs violently contrary to our true nature.

…so, every day we struggle and strive to be happy, but the only way to do that is to create more of what we don’t want, don’t need and doesn’t resonate.