Freedom to Feel -Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Illiteracy; Freedom and the Fully-Felt Feeling.
We morph magically, painlessly and effortlessly into the kind of person we dream of becoming with every emotion we accept as natural, normal and inevitable.
No time needs to be found and set aside for this, there’s no rituals, affirmations, meditations and visualisations to squeeze into your already hectic schedule.
When we allow ourselves to experience an emotion, to simply let it be there without forming a judgement around it, beginning a new numbing narrative, phoning a friend or doing anything at all to avoid it or heal it – we grow.
The growth comes from letting go of the trapped emotion that has been stored inside your physical body since the time you felt it when whichever event caused the emotion and it was regarded as unacceptable for you to express it because doing so would have made you a drama queen, a pest, a difficult child, ‘soft’ or simply not right in the head according to the wisdom of your loving parents.
I use the expression ‘up and out’ to describe this beautifully simple but miraculous change in consciousness.
Up and out is a physical thing more than a spiritual or emotional one because we get to experience the energy belonging to the trapped pain leaving our physical bodies, this usually manifests as a deep sigh, a yawn, a juddering; that feeling of ‘somebody just walked over your grave’ type feeling.
You begin to accept your difficult and uncomfortable emotions when you understand that it’s you and nobody else who is responsible for giving legs to the issue, it’s you that grows the monster, builds the energy and in so doing gives momentum to the build-up of fear of the three issues we have explored in this book;
- Fear of permanence
- Fear of the reaction of other people
- Fear that you are losing the plot
It’s not set in stone anywhere that we must attempt to do something to feel better, happier or something different from what we are truly feeling, this is the script we have been taught and the questions we need to ask ourselves is;
- How is this serving me?
- How is this helpful
- What’s the payoff for me in keeping this rigid life script?
Us humans don’t do anything without a payoff, even kind things because we do them to gain a feeling of satisfaction for having helped another, so an emotional education is about understanding that there is a payoff in learning about emotions so that we can manage them, accept them and eventually learn to love all of them, including the ones we have been raised to fear and avoid.
The powerful, super-confident, fun-loving person over brimming with self-belief, worthiness and with access to the innate wisdom you were born with emerges with every emotion that you are willing to give your love, acknowledgement and compassion to because that’s all the emotion is seeking, it’s all it was ever seeking.
If, right now you are thinking that what I have taught you makes sense but it’s all appears to be a little easier said than done; maybe you have a job that requires a cheerful disposition or you have a family to take care of and you can’t just take time out to be sad, angry, frustrated or shameful, but you don’t have to worry.
The belief that you may need time out to have a meltdown is also formed from an old script which is running at the back of your mind based on what you was taught about your unwanted and difficult feelings, giving expression to your emotions doesn’t have to involve time out or a meltdown, the feeling becomes something which is ‘just there’ there is usually your solar plexus because every issue we have is underpinned by fear, the sensation isn’t doing anything, it can’t harm you and once you get into the habit of not forming a dialogue around it you will soon master the art of going about your daily business with that feeling simply being there.
It may be helpful to tap into your intuition which blossoms and awakens beautifully with this course, you may feel the need to provide a few soothing words to this energy such as ‘there, there it’s okay there’s nothing to be afraid of’ or you may simply just want to say a quick hello acknowledge it because often this is more than enough for the energy to move out quickly and painlessly, sure there might occasionally be a few tears but hey we cry a lot anyway when we are dragging around 30 or 40 years’ worth of unresolved pain, if you’re going to cry you may as well get a payoff!