The question I get asked most frequently is; “If Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the magic bullet, the game-changer you say it is, why do you include spirituality”?
The answer can be summed in this quote by Rumer Godden
“This being human is a house of four rooms, a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.
To be complete we must enter each room, each day, if only to keep it aired”.
Emotional Intelligence is the magic bullet we hope does exist and we will discover, one day but without spirituality it’s not a panacea.
Allow me to explain.
Emotionally intelligent people are fearless, they are risktakers and are far less likely to care what others think of them or allow unwanted emotions such as sorrow or disappointment to ground them, instead they manage their emotions from the viewpoint that there are no good or bad ones, right or wrong ones, that in life we have to go with the flow take the good with the bad and they understand it’s wholly unrealistic to expect to be happy all the time.
EQ in the absence of spirituality often results in just as much unhappiness and a lack of fulfilment but for different reasons.
People with a high EQ are commonly very confident people with a lot of faith in their own skills and abilities, an excellent trait to own you might say and I would agree, except there is no balance when it comes to the matter of control.
We are not in control of anything, we never were and we are never going to be, but people with a great deal of EQ believe they are so consequently they are guided by mind and thinking instead of soul and feeling, the outcome is that they will often repeat the same mistakes leading to the same feelings of frustration, resentment, isolation and unhappiness that the rest of us experience, sure they will handle these episodes in a much healthier way than everyone else, drama will be kept to a minimum and they’ll be damned if they have a story of suffering or five to endlessly tell to themselves, their friends, family, partner or God forbid a therapist, they would perceive this is the ultimate failure.
Spirituality simply means to be in touch with the aspect of us that is soul, the place where our inherent wisdom and intuition emanate from, it’s that ‘gut feeling’ or that gentle voice that whispers the absolute truth in moments we least expect it such as while we are washing the dishes or driving late for work, people with a high EQ will ignore this council believing they know best, it’s also not uncommon for them to dismiss such phenomena as ‘hocus-pocus’.
To give heed to the guidance of our own soul is not woo-woo nor does it have to mean that we must buy into the spiritual stereotype of the shawled, crystal jewellery bedecked fortune teller or the vegan eco-warrior.
Spirituality is simply the personal relationship we have with our own soul, that aspect of us that is all-wise, all-knowing and understands that when we are experiencing difficulties in our life, we are simply being prepared for what we asked for.
The panacea emerges when we combine EQ with spirituality because we begin to live from soul instead of mind and start to ask ‘why is that happening for me’ instead of why is this happening to me?
Fear and victimhood cannot coexist inside this union of soul awareness and emotional intelligence.
Surrender occurs when these two forces meet so we stop fighting against that which is meant for us, we simply stop fighting full stop.