Freedom to Feel – Healing is the Barrier to the Life You Dream of.
In childhood when we display emotions that our parents or primary caregivers disapprove of and we are labelled ‘a naughty boy or a bad girl’ as a consequence of the behaviour of those emotions, we don’t possess the capacity to understand that our parents are saying the emotion is bad, wrong or unacceptable, so we internalise this to mean ‘I am a bad, wrong and unacceptable person’.
Sadly, we are shamed for illustrating what comes naturally to us, simply because our parents don’t have any other way of dealing with it.
These feeling of shame are compounded when we are simultaneously taught distraction techniques that enable us to forget about how upset, scared, disappointed or angry we are feeling, so we take this combination of shame and distraction into adulthood where our many attempts to feel better may include; retail therapy, alternative healing modalities, a visit to a counsellor or your GP.
…but what’s really going on here isn’t about feeling better, it’s about wanting to become a more acceptable person to both ourselves and others, essentially, we are saying ‘I want to walk out of this shop, surgery, counselling practice or healing session a much more acceptable person than the one who walked in’.
At the root cause of every issue we have is our inability to love ourselves but loving ourselves encompasses loving every aspect of ourselves, including the self who woke up feeling depressed today and the one that’s snappy and irritable.
…but our first thought when feeling anything uncomfortable, unwanted and difficult is ‘this won’t do, it has to be gotten rid of’.
We then set out to seek further temporary alleviation and, on the cycle, goes while everybody we know; the GP, the counsellor, our friends, family, healers and significant other collude with us in our belief that what we are feeling simply must become ‘something other’ than what we need to express in the moment.
These emotions are normal, natural and inevitable, it’s how we have been taught to respond to them that’s the problem.
My lived experiences, both personally and professionally has taught me that anything we can master for five seconds we can go on to master for five minutes, days or weeks so can you love yourself for five seconds while feeling something you would rather not be experiencing?
If you are able to do this, you will quickly notice the emotion will begin to fade, although often it make take longer to disappear completely but that’s okay because if we are no longer forming a judgment around what we are feeling, criticising ourselves, wanting to heal or avoid it we then have no issue with it simply being there, once you have done this once or twice you will quickly understand that there’s nothing to fear, that the emotion can’t harm you and it’s not necessary to make things worse by attempting to heal it.
The temporary alleviation we seek stops working eventually anyway and all the emotions that surface looking for love and acceptance will begin to be experienced a lot more often with much more intensity, hence the western medical model of ‘the nervous breakdown’.
Our emotions must be given free expression, they are made up of energy and energy only has one job which is to move, but when it remains trapped, when we plunge it down with every avoidance technique we know, it depletes us of our universal life force and the outcome is listlessness, apathy, fatigue, despondency and despair but when we allow them to move out we experience peace, joy, contentment and we begin to experience life living from Soul instead of Mind, guided by our own innate wisdom and intuition, when this happens we begin to trust ourselves to always do the right thing and our dependence on experts or anything external to us for the answers and solutions to our emotional pain and spiritual disconnect is finally over and empowerment and freedom takes its place.