I’ve been a spiritual teacher for a long time, prior I was a seeker myself, always looking for the next healer, guru, therapist or psychic that was going to fix me once and for all, so I’m aware of all the Google search engine entries;
How to overcome low self-esteem
How to be more confident/assertive
How to stop loathing myself
How to end (or at least lessen) depression
I must have done literally hundreds of thousands of searches over a twenty-year period, all of them using the above words in one combination or another.
I never did gain any of those qualities I so desperately wanted, if anything they all took a bigger knock with every ‘expert’ I used all my disposable income on.
I didn’t find it because I didn’t know what I was looking for.
What I was looking for was freedom.
To stop apologising for my opinions, views and my own inherent nature as a unique individual.
To live freely without the opinions, advice and good intentions of others.
To assert my uniqueness without fear of being judged, abused, criticised, ostracised or abandoned.
I wore a different mask for
In the presence of my parents
My accountant and bank manager
The school PTA meeting
The only time I was ever myself was the less than a handful of times in my life where following a row and having run out of steam, tears or energy I would slump down onto the floor and either whisper of yell “I JUST WANT A SIMPLER LIFE!”.
Unbeknown to me at the time that was my soul speaking, my essence, core my true and authentic self that was tired of contorting myself into knots to please others, to live up to their needs, wants and expectations while simultaneously living every day of my life pretending to value the same things as they did in order to fit in and remain emotionally and physically safe.
The end of self-loathing, depression and worthlessness you are seeking happens effortlessly and painlessly without instructions, directions, advice and guidance from another when we are first willing to recognise the existence of these masks and we are then willing to remove them.
…but even starting to think about removing them is the scariest thing we can contemplate the old scrips from childhood have taught us to hate ourselves so doesn’t it stand to reason that if we hate ourselves then everybody else will hate us too?
The kindest answer is yes, most will hate you, but deep down, because you have a soul, you already know that, that’s why you cling to your masks and maintain the status quo, fearing to rock the boat and step out of sheeple-hood, it’s a miserable place to be, exhaustingly debilitating but it’s familiar too, it’s all you know.
I’ll tell you something else you already know because you have a soul; you are aware that people hate and fear authenticity in others, it makes them feel small, inadequate and shines a bright light on all their own masks, but because we are taught from toddlerhood that our mission in life is to keep others happy we can’t possibly make them squirm, they might retaliate and hurt our feelings, nobody ever taught us how to respond to emotional wounding so that can’t happen, or our worse nightmare will be realised and we will be all alone, abandoned, cast out Norma or Norman no mates with the stigma and false self-beliefs we have around that terrifying possibility.
…and all these fears have to be dealt with before we even arrive at the scariest possibility of all, that of them not being around to love us, give us advice, guidance, approval and validation, not to mention the fear of having nobody to tell our stories of suffering to over and over without having the faintest intention of doing anything about it.
I’ve been there with these thoughts and fears, I understand.
The Panacea Program combines the teaching of emotional literacy with the true meaning of spirituality, the outcome of this is that we begin to love and trust ourselves and the external search for answers to our emotional pain and soulful disconnect ends.
In other words, we no longer need other people.
We form relationships with other people out of a sense of need, whether that’s for love, companionship, fear of the stigma of having no friends, because we want them to like us regardless of whether or not we like them and because they provide us with what we are taught we must have from them; acceptance, admiration, validation, care, concern, empathy and intimacy.
When we drop all the masks and begin to live authentically we no longer seek to get our needs met from others, we learn that we are quite capable of meeting all our own needs so we are far less likely to tolerate an unhappy work life, second and third rate romantic relationships and one-sided friendships, we are happy to be alone because we now love and trust the person we are alone with.
Following the very first module of The Panacea Program you will no longer be willing or able to tolerate small talk, drama or the company of people who are in your life because they need you in some way – you’ll finally, be free.