The definition of Emotional Intelligence or EQ is when somebody hurts us, even quite badly and we try to understand where they are coming from, and if possible, help them, instead of wanting to hurt them back.
But interestingly and far more importantly it’s also a lot more than that because possessing it is the difference between empowerment and supreme self-confidence and their energy zapping, soul-destroying and life-depleting opposites.
It’s a fascinating topic and one that is highly addictive once we get started, this is always because you and your life are the study, you, not emotional intelligence is the topic.
The best news of all is that we don’t have to be put off from starting to acquire it because we may be afraid of the time it takes to learn, I understand through my own lived experiences that often we shy away from learning that which resonates on a deep soul level because we are in so much pain we need an instant solution and studying anything feels contrary to what that which we need.
The acquisition of EQ isn’t through studying it as a subject, instead it’s something that evolves within us, effortlessly with every emotion we are willing to accept as normal, natural and inevitable.
At the root cause of all our suffering is the cycle of emotional illiteracy most of us are raised in as children, when it comes to the matter of emotions we are simply taught that our aim is be or at least appear to be ‘happy, happy, happy’ all the time because if we are not then at best we will be terribly unpopular because nobody likes a miserable so-and-so and at worst it will make us a mental health statistic because unhappy people get depression so a stay at the nearest asylum is an ever present threat.
Growing up we are literally threatened, cajoled, bribed and blackmailed into feelings something other than what we are truly feeling, this inevitably means that we emerge into adulthood loathing, fearing and avoiding anything that feels emotionally uncomfortable.
…but it gets worse.
Not only do we fear, avoid and loathe our unwanted emotions but we grow them into out of control demons when all they were to begin with were temporary visitors looking for the love, compassion and acceptance they did not receive the first time we felt them and had to plunge them down to lie unresolved in our physical bodies, depleting us of our universal life force.
Emotions and self are so intricately entwined that when we don’t trust ourselves to feel we don’t trust ourselves with anything, this gives rise to the dependence on the expert and begins the lifelong search for the answers and solutions to our emotional pain and physical disconnect externally.
The further we seek externally the further we become removed from our true core, source or essence which already has all the answers and solutions and did so all along.
The bottom line is that ignorance equals fear, it can’t be any other way and it’s perfectly reasonable to fear anything that we know nothing or very little about.
Knowledge is the greatest antidote to fear, Aristotle said that educating the mind without educating the soul is no education at all but when it comes to acquiring EQ that education is fast, fun and an absolute joy, so it never feels like a chore or something that time and energy must to be found for.
I can teach you in a remarkably short space of time how to stop forming a judgment around your uncomfortable emotions while simultaneously teaching you that the labels we give them are an invitation for those emotions to unpack, make themselves at home and subsequently prolong our misery way beyond the point of necessity.
We begin to morph effortlessly into the person we want to become when we acquire some EQ and we begin to see the world with the grace and dignity of an adult instead of through the eyes of a frightened and wounded child you will have access to all your wisdom and innate intuition, you will grow in self-belief, start to say no without feeling guilty and it will become literally impossible for another person to cause you pain or offend you.
Growth is accelerated in such a joyous way that you will witness your transformations in hours and days, it won’t be uncommon for you to wake up in the morning as one person and retire to sleep as somebody else that very same day.
You will never forget your very first growth-spurt it’s one of those delicious, life-defining, magical moments that stay with you forever, like your wedding day or the moment you held your new-born for the first time, I will always cherish mine; I was sat with a group of female friends they were discussing their issues and problems and all of a sudden somebody said something deeply wise and profound, I looked around the room to see who had imparted this nugget of wisdom, then clamped my hand over my mouth in absolute shock as I realised it was me!
I didn’t do anything you see? I’d not taken time out, I hadn’t studied anything, memorised anything or laboured over anything in order to gain access to this precious wisdom, instead all I had done is welcomed the temporary visitors with the love, compassion and acceptance my deeply buried emotions had surfaced to seek.