My arrival at primary school aged 4 was a cause of great delight because when I finally located my coat peg it said ‘Rebecca’ because up to that moment I had only learned how to answer to ‘Cu*t Bastard’.
My childhood was heart-wrenchingly pitiful, I’m convinced if I wrote one of those ‘misery memoir’ books it would remain at the top the New York Times bestsellers list for at least five years.
A psychopath for a mother who lacked empathy, the ability to understand that anybody else had feelings other than her, her mountains of unresolved pain manifested several times a day, every day with frequent acts of extreme violence and verbal abuse.
My dad, narcissistic and emotionally illiterate, equally violent, abusive and clueless.
The dynamic growing up was as topsy-turvy as it was possible for any dynamic to get, I was mum to both my parents and two younger sisters when I was barely out of toddlerhood.
The level of pain and shame I carried into adulthood meant I would be lying if I told you my self-esteem was low, it was simply non-existent to the point where arriving in therapy aged thirty-two I wasn’t even aware that I was a person, sure I knew I was human and not an animal or vegetable, but an actual person, no idea.
I share my anecdotes of my miserable childhood, so you will clearly recognise that I understand your pain, the millions of questions that run through your head at a million miles an hour, your bags of shame and your inability to perceive yourself as loveable and worthy of a better life than the one you currently have.
………. but I also share for another reason.
I want to illustrate that no matter what you have experienced, if I can attain these heights of joy, contentment, supreme confidence, self-belief and success, you can too.
I now have a life that can only be described as pure perfection; I stand in my own power and walk in beauty and grace, with an open-heart overflowing with love to give and a healthy self-concept that allows me to receive love in return.
I have nothing left to heal, work on and process and abundance flows effortlessly with ease, so I nap in the afternoon if my body says I must or I spend an entire day baking wonky cakes that are never pleasing to the eye no matter how much I practise, but they taste amazing!
My greatest joy is the power afforded to me to help people and animals that are suffering as money is no good to anybody sat in the bank and it’s not as though there isn’t an unlimited flow of it once we have experienced the transformational and rejuvenating joy of a soulful and emotional education.
Everything I currently am, have and own began to materialise with a remarkable speed that astonished me when I swapped healing for learning and I finally understood that it was never about healing, it was about the emotional and spiritual education we didn’t get growing up.
Our emotions simply need to be understood, not feared or avoided, once we accomplish this simply task then all the personal power, fearlessness and self-belief we can handle is on the other side.